Tomorrow……how I have come to despise that word. I believe it is either the addict’s favorite
or second favorite word. Probably the
favorite as the other is actually a phrase.
Got into a discussion the other day with my son about when is this going
to stop. He always seems to have these
big plans and dates or events that will trigger the stoppage of drug use. When we has younger, when I turn 18 so that I
do not have an adult record, when the girls are born as I don’t want them to
grow up around drugs, when the girls are old enough that they would actually
know what is going on, etc., etc.,
etc. If it is not tomorrow for those
reasons it is tomorrow because he had stress today or whatever excuse he has
come up with to justify what he has done.
The girlfriend is just as bad but hides her drug use better and is a
much better liar.
So during this discussion he was laying out the plans for
the girlfriend being gone and him going to school and working a part time job
to pay his bills. So I asked him how you
expect to get this job when you are still using. The answer was well I was stressed with what
she was doing and you cannot hold the last week against me, I am going to stop
tomorrow. I said isn’t that what I heard
2 days ago. Yeah but she keeps coming
around here and having me inject her because she cannot do it herself. What a crock of shit as he is bitching about
her still doing drugs still. So why not
stop do this for her? Answer she will
try to do it herself and not do it right.
Guess I have proof of that in that she evidently did it wrong and
sprayed blood all over one of the bathrooms in my house.
So when are you going to quite supporting her habits and get
your own under control? I am going to
start tomorrow. Yet everyday there is
still an excuse for why tomorrow has not come.
His moods swing from enthusiasm to depression in a matter of
minutes. I get a call, I want to go to
school and can you help me look at the classes.
Call him back 5 minutes later and the world is ending and he is not
interested in classes.
Now that the girls
are gone there are moments of clarity but not what I would hope to see. I ask him what about the girls…well I am not
happy about what is going on but what do you expect me to do. Guess that is another tomorrow for both of
them. I do feel that neither of the
parents realizes how fragile the situation is.
I fear for the older of the 2 girls as I can see her already looking for
the approval of parental figures that puts her first. The younger is not far behind her in that
aspect. Maybe I am over-protective of
them but I do not currently see things going well for them in the future while
they wait for the tomorrow their parents keep talking about. To be truly honest it just pisses me off that
2 people could be so damn selfish as to put themselves before the needs of
their small children. Each of these
children are so lucky in that neither appear to have any lasting effects from
the drugs used during the pregnancies.
Unfortunately the parents see that as a well everyone must lie about the
effects of drugs.
During the discussion I did ask my son if he realizes that
today was yesterday’s tomorrow and that time is slipping away from him? The answer was I told you I am stopping
tomorrow. The drugs have affected his
ability to reason and remember things form the recent pass. Neither of them have the ability to think
things thru worth a shit. I can see
effects in there motions and thought processes.
I just wish I know what to do to help the little ones. I have considered trying to take custody but
not sure if that would help or hurt the girls more in a lot of ways.